The magnitude of commitment required of every woman who gives birth is beyond that of any endeavor that exists in every sector of society including education, industry, athletics, entertainment, technology, science, etc… There is no structure, no institution, no discovery, no home-run or touchdown, no mountain to climb, no work of art, no diamond discovered, no amount of amassed wealth, no gold mine, no A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. that is comparable with the undertaking of creating, gestating and birthing a Human Being. Females... no exceptions... bring Human Beings into this world. We hold the very life blood of humanity in our bodies, wombs, hearts and hands. There is not one person who can arrive on this planet without living first, in total intimacy, inside a woman's fully occupied body. There is no other experience, in any realm, that brushes the skirt of the life-long altering, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual commitment required to achieve the miracle of childbirth.
Pregnancy and giving birth is a mind-blowing phenomenon. It's not a 'mind thing'. I was in ecstasy and fully alive like I'd never been before after giving birth to my son, my first child, and remember thinking that I could and would, soon, 'wrap my mind around' what had happened. I tried. I never did. It's impossible. It's not a mind thing. It's a humanly spiritual and unfathomable epic experience... equal to the commitment to give birth.
During a recent conversation with my husband, Robert, about The Nobility of Women and the incredible commitment it is for a woman to be pregnant and give birth, we both realized how hidden it has been... how private my own commitment was and still is to me, and how unknown and under-glorified by the world is the experience of this boundless commitment women make. I was first pregnant at age twenty-three and gave birth a few weeks before my twenty-fourth birthday. I was young. Before and during the very first days and weeks of being pregnant, I had an idealized vision of what the experience would be. My vision included being showered with love and excitement, being treated tenderly and revered, watched over and tended... a baby shower with all of the important ladies in my life with me, luncheon and tea, beautifully wrapped gifts and at last... a perfect pink baby at the end! I had never been close with anyone during their pregnancy and had no real experience of it other than stories my Mother told about my birth and those of my three siblings. About how I was born so quickly that my Father missed me coming into the world while he took my sister to the babysitter. And later found out that even my mother missed me coming into the world because she was drugged to sleep... The deeply personal experience my Mother had during her pregnancies was intimate to her and not really shared, as I think it is for too many women. And I didn't know enough to ask. From my view of her as a child, my Mother embodied her motherhood with grace, by herself, and it was understood that I would do the same when it was my turn.
Our pregnancy announcement to family and friends was met with delight and good wishes. Everyone was happy and touched. When the news was out and we were back in our business-as-usual daily life, my idealized imaginings of being pregnant began to dissolve. I gently and surely realized that I was alone in this. That no matter how happy others were, no matter what their involvement would be and what support I would receive or not, I was going to gestate this baby and birth it... in my body, by myself. I realized my body was going to change... and I wanted it to! I wanted my big round belly with my precious child inside. And thank goodness it happened gradually so there was time to get used to the magnificent morph. I wondered what my body would be like afterward? Would I have stretch marks and sagging breasts? Would I carry weight I never had before? Fear crept in. I tried to push it out of my mind... this was going to hurt... more than hurt... There was no way out of it. How much would it hurt? Would I be in labor for hours or days? Would I scream like the ladies I saw on TV and movies? I was in this now... and if I wanted a baby... a child... this is what I had to do. I can think of no other human experience that compares with birthing except for death. We're born and we cannot get off of this planet without passing over. There is no other way out. With pregnancy it's the same... there is only one way to the other side and requires each mother to navigate a glorious and frightening, mysterious and miraculous, internal pilgrimage that results in incomprehensible life-long changes and consequences that only bringing a Human Being into the world creates... each and every time.
Think about it... There are treacherous undertakings that people choose to embark upon that stretch their capacities, bring them to an expanded experience of themselves and exemplify what's possible, like climbing mountains or racing cars very fast, space travel, or jungle treks and ocean voyages. Within all of these choices there are elements of danger and the possibility of death and hardships on the physical, mental and emotional bodies. We revere and glorify beings who choose and complete these Soul-expanding quests. People's lives and careers are built on their ability to commit to and achieve these challenging goals... with good reason. They are rare and incredible human achievements. That being acknowledged, these life choices can be interrupted to take a breath and re-group or called off at any time. This is not how it works when bringing a child into the world. There is no interruption... there is no time-out, there is no calling off... When you're in... YOU. ARE. IN. What it takes to achieve any other life challenge pales in comparison to the commitment required to birth a Human Being.
How do women manage and tame the fear? Probably some don't. I chose to feel into the lineage of all the females who had birthed before me. I realized that there are literally female children in this world who have birthed under horrid life experiences, with more confusion and fear than I would ever have with less support in every way. They were the ones who saved me. I thought... if they did it, I can do it. I committed to doing what it required of me. I told myself and declared to the natural forces, and God, that I would do whatever it took to bring this child into the world. If it took days... I would do it. If I couldn't stand the pain... I would endure it anyway. I wanted this baby... my son. I made the biggest commitment of my life to unknown forces, to unknown body capacities, to unknown and surely pain-filled experiences, to unknown outcomes and irrevocable consequences... Somehow I was spared all of the difficulties and unwanted body changes. My body worked perfectly and seemed to be made for pregnancy and childbirth. AND I risked it... and every woman risks all of this each and every time they birth a Human Being. 📷
I think it's time for us, for women, for females, to claim our rightful, noble place in this world. It's time for us to recognize that we provide the most exquisite, selfless service to humanity and to our civilization that is humanly possible... so exquisite that there is nothing that is even in the same realm with this ordained commitment. It's time for us to have reverence for and be proud of what we are capable of and what we actually achieve. It's also time to glorify our nobility in our world.
The world needs to know and we need to make the magnitude of what is required of us during this experience real... palpable... for ourselves so we can claim it and so others can grab a morsel of a glimpse into what we bestow. Please converse with me. How does what I'm saying land for you even if you've never given birth or never plan to? I want to hear about the magnitude of your personal commitment when you gave birth... the intimacies of your pregnancy you want to share. I want to know if and how you overcame your fear. I want to know how it felt for you to know this was completely yours to do. Did you have support? Did the women in your life share with you and teach you about this initiation? I want to know the details of your commitment. It's time to claim the majesty, honor, fortitude and valor we 'personify'. Share with me your glorious victories!
With all my heart, Shane
For fun, and to see the power that even a small aspect of birthing awareness provides, watch this video. It shows several young men calling themselves the "Try Guys", experience 'birthing contractions' by way of an electric simulator attached to their bodies. At the end, listen to them speak to their mothers in gratitude and reverence. My favorite quote is, "No matter how tough you think you are... your Mother is tougher than you!" It's true and it's time we educated the world! https://www.facebook.com/tryguys/videos/435711796605708/